It’s slow walking with the Arctic air-pants all puffy and white beneath my bobbing blue dress. I’m filling the shoes of Dorothy, walking the golden road with Jeeves, Cap, and Math. We’ve been making our way through the backdrop of the four seasons, arriving in the glistening Winter Wonderland, an evergreen grove where the trees forever grow taller.
Nearing The City Of US, redwoods abound — their trunks touched by beautiful ribbons of green and red that echo the colorful lights overhead. Aurora Borealis dances through the pitch black, blasphemous atmosphere of alluring magic that the sky is projecting from The In Side. Our spirits are lifted by the Glorious Vision.
“Check Out That Glamour!” Math shouts with glee, “Is this a mirage rising from the Heat of Silly Con Valley Itself, Oh My!” Math slaps his stomach, stomps his feet and roars with laughter. Our traveler spirits filled with Hope are now trampled under his mocking merriment.
“Something’s up with Math,” I try to say ~ except suddenly the sky begins unraveling the nerves around my spine. Instead I say, “I feel fine,” and draw no attention. The sky beams are connecting me to Center by strings of light energy and I’m blinded by the pure white {so beautiful} I keep staring into the glow until I See The City Gates Arising.
The Gates grow closer and soon I see them clearly as an image on a giant screen that is beaming saturated liquid light into my brain. No, This is Not what I expected of True Center.
“Welcome To The City of US,” a friendly woman appears and the scene around her shifts from Winter into Summer. “I’m Eve,” she smirks and tilts her head forward. I think she looks like a sassy business woman version of Poison Ivy from Batman.
“You’ve made it to Central Casting’s Key Circle,” she says. “Here’s The Question you must Answer in order to Enter: Which Do You Choose: X or Schism?”
“Can we choose Exorcism,” Jeeves inquires dryly.
Eve smiles and responds, “No unwanted spirits beyond these borders, traveler.”
“X is the answer of course,” Math says with a chuckle.
“Correct,” Eve’s eyes sparkle, “Welcome. Please step forward and notice that where others say L. Ron we say E. Lon.”
Math hoots, “Whooh!! Eureka!! How ‘bout That! We’re moving into Elon’s Center. Fantastic!”
“Guys,” I speak up, “we’ve made a mistake.” I look to Jeeves and Captain, “You both agree with me this time, right guys? This Is Not True Center.”
“Yes, I’m sorry Lindy,” Cap shakes his head, remorseful to mention, “we have slipped onto the 2033 Timeloop. It’s the thirteen year, Elon-Gated Loop. A far more dangerous engagement than any of us signed up for.”
“I knew it. This is a Nightmare,” I say, looking straight at Math. He’s talking to Eve inside the screen, leaning close to her. “Sammy the snake lives here,” he says, “I’ve seen Sammy in the acts. What’s the verdict,” Math probes, “is it Dangerous in This Center?”
“Thank you for inquiring,” Eve responds, “The Wizard has plans to weed out that snake. By the way, you’re going to need a resume if you plan to meet with The Wizard. You’ll need to prove that more than curiosity has driven you this far. What Business Are You With?” She asks rather briskly.
“We Were in The Thought Train Business,” I tell her, “until we Entered The Hill and got pulled onto this divergent path.”
“That’s a good enough start,” Eve nods and goes on, “The Wizard interviews one Candidate at a time, so you’ll need to present yourselves separately.”
“But we’re a Unit,” I cry in a voice that clearly says I’m the weakest link. “You guys what do I do? I’ve got no rank like The Captain, or class like Jeeves, or genius like Math. What do I have?”
“I know. Tell The Wiz that you’re a Researcher for ‘A Timelooper’s Guide to Insiders Looping’,” Math says, followed by a hearty round of hoots.
I try to smile but only grimace. “But isn’t this against our better judgment? Entering the Elon-Gated Loop has been the thing That We’ve been Trying to Avoid, since the Beginning of this Journey. We’ve been Seeking to Locate What’s Real, so Why Are We Here?”
“Exactly,” Math exclaims, “WHY ARE WE HERE?”
2020 Made Funny?? 